Alice in wonderland fanfic

Down the rabbit hole and across the forest there was a beautiful white castle, and in the yard of this castle there sat a girl with hair as white as snow and skin the same color. The only thing that stood out were her big dark brown eyes. She was supposed to be watching her Mother and Father play croquet but instead had let her eyes drift upward and was now staring at the sky. Her name was Lily, and she was the daughter of the white king & queen. While she was looking at the sky, she remembered that, about 5 years ago she had been in the same spot, doing the same thing when a girl about her age (at the time) had interupted her mothers croquet game. Her mother had been very mad but she had enjoyed the girl and found her rather odd. She had also been a bit distraught when the girl had to take her place in the croquet game because she was too little.

Thats all i can write at da mo!

I like it

I have a charrie with that name...*gasp*.....i like it

i likez it

NEXT PART

but other than that, Lily had wanted to meet her. She was still day dreaming when she heard, "Lily! Your turn!" Lily snapped out of it. Her mother was motioning for her to come play. "Mother do I have to?" She asked hopelessly. "My dear, you've been begging for me to let you play ever since you were little and now I'm letting you and you decline?" The white Queen said in a slight huff. "I'm sorry. But when I was little I thought croquet was the best thing you could do with your life. Now, I know otherwise." She answered sitting up straighter. "Fine, then if you aren't going to play go inside. I think your starting to tan!" She said with a tiny gasp. Lily rolled her eyes and went slowly inside. If I do say so myself, Lily took after her mother to all extent. they were both very pale, had wild hair, had a very gentle nature, had a few pounds they could defenitly stand to loose, and weren't the brightest of people. Still, they thought all of this was perfectly normal and you can't blame them because, if you think about it, this was also the land where playing cards and chess pieces could walk and cataplliers could talk!
Anyways, Lily walked inside and up the tall staircase into her room. She was going to take a nap but decided otherwise. Instead, she walked out onto her balcony that over looked ALL of wonderland. Sitting on the rail of the balcony was a potted Tiger-Lily named, of course, Tiger-lily. Tiger-Lily stretched her leaves and looked up and Lily sleepily. "Hello Tiger-Lily!" Lily said to the flower. "What? Oh, hello. Sorry, I just woke up form a nap." The flower responded. "Oh, I'm sorry to bother you then!" Lily said while she was trying to remember where she had put the watering can. "That's quite all right. But, I must get down to business!" Tiger-Lily fluffed out her petals. By the way, Tiger-Lily's idea of business was basically things she had heard from other flowers that day. "What is it today?" Lily wondered out loud. She found the watering can in a corner and picked it up. "You're going to love this!" Tiger-Lily rubbed her leaves together. "Alice, has returned to Wonderland!"

Well, I recommend starting a new paragraph when a new person talks. Should make it longer.

Otherwise, it's good.

Kenny, It sounds like you're thinking of whether to approve it or not. And it's not even done!

I'm a Fanfiction critic. xD

xD I can tell.

Lily dropped her watering can and it shattered all over the balcony. "Alice? As in, THE alice?" She said a little too loudly.
"No, I mean Alice you went to preschool with! Who do you think I mean?!" Tiger-lily screeched back.
"Goodness, you don't have to shout!" She said quieter and started picking up the pieces of the watering can. "I'll go tell Mum right away!!!" Lily said quickly getting up. But, before she could reach her door Tiger-lily shouted, "No! heavens no! Why in Wonderland would you do that?!"


sorry I can't write much more i ish *yawn* sleepy