Howling in a concrete jungle

Description:Scott, A Fifteen year old that has lived in the wilderness of alaska with his four wolves, for his whole life, until one day when he was hhunting, he finds a girl that changes his life, forever.

Sneak peak:
It was almost dark, and Scott hasn't gotten anything, it was the cold day that kept the animals in there holes.
"Come on." Scott muttered to himself, "I Need some food, guys split up, and meet back at camp." He told his wolves. They all went away in pairs of two, and Scott drew his bow.
He heard something off to his right, he aimed, shot,and he heard a yelp. Scott went closer, only to find a girl scared to death with an arrow in the tree next to her.
"Who are you?" she asked him. He wasn't ready to let his guard down, "Uh, scott." THe boy told her cautiously.
"Im amy." the girl said cheerfully. scott heard something in her pocket, he took aim with another arrow, she flinched. "Its just my phone." She said taking it out.
"Phone?" Scott asked puzzled, she laughed, "Yes a phone." Amy answered it, "Hello? Yes Mom, Im coming inside." She hung up. "Want to have dinner at my house?" The girl asked him.
"House?" He thought it could be something close to a camp site. "Uh sure, hang on." He whistled, and out came his four wolves. Amy yelped, "WOLVES!" she started to back away. "They are harmless, see? Er, amy?" He knelt down, and pet each of them.
"Well, come on, we are having steak." She smiled at him, and walked towards a huge stone shaped liked a dead deer after it was hit by a falling rock.
"What is that?" scott asked her. "Its a house."
Amy walked inside, and scott followed.

Hmm.... YOu have a plot..... but - hmm. Im going to make a list:

1. Make a format, it look like one giant blob of words

2. Its moving too fast. Get a centeral plot before getting into the real thing.

3. Maybe add a preface - why is he in the woods?

4. Grammar! Names and beginnin of the sentecne shoudl be capatilaized!

Im eleven, what do you expect, thats why i need editors,

lol want to see something from when Iw as 11?

The night has a thousand eyes. The Day has only one. Its my favorite quote that means each star is an eye. The night has millions but the day has 1, the sun.

It just freaked my friend out. Like each star was watching you. I laughed when she told me that.
Rose, my best friend, said she had the feeling someone was watching her. Most people would just laugh. I took it seriously. If anyone had any sense of intuition, it was Rosalind McCoy.

“I feel like eyes are watching me. Everywhere I go.” She said, avoiding gaze.

“I believe you.” I stated truthfully, meeting hers.

“What do I do?” Rose asked. She sounded lost and girlish which was odd. Rose was tough but something was truly scaring her.

I immediately felt infuriated. Who could possibly try to harm this girl! Or make her feel threatened. She was sweet, caring, and no one has a right to annoy her. I hissed, actually hissed like a cat, I do that.

Rose giggled. Then looked at me. Waiting for a coherent answer.

“Did you tell your parents?”

Snorting, she said, “Yeah. That sure helped.” She snickered with a roll of her eyes.

Her parents were no nonsense people. They probably felt ashamed of having a weird, random, fun daughter. One who writes books, who’s creativity soars. The best person in the world.
Though I seemed to be the only one to notice this, I thought dryly. Thinking, I came up with an answer.

“Tell me if it gets worse. I don’t want you to be stalked.” I laughed but I was still serious. She laughed with me.

I never knew how much that was true. How she might be being stalked. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

“Rose, are you okay?” I said, putting my hand on her shoulder. She had looked down again and sniffled.

She shook her head. Sheesh, she was such a suffer in silence person. I tried to be but she really shouldn’t. Rose always takes it to extremes.
She wound up in the ER once with a broken hip that was, “Just a little sore.” She screamed when she bent down in gym. Loudly. My ears have never been the same since…

I hugged her and told her the truth.

“Rosalind. I am here for you. If you need anything, no matter what time, I’m here.”

She sniffled and wiped her eyes.

“Thanks Iris, I really needed to hear that.”

She smiled and I swear she was back to normal in a nanosecond. The wind slapped against us with such force that even in a puffy coat I shivered. I hugged Rose and we went our separate ways.

I never knew that it would be the last time I ever saw her alive.


Sorry its long ish XD Lol but its an exmple of spacing, caps, and getting into it before you get to main plot!

but im not in the main plot yet, and im not as mature as you.

I wasnt critisising you, jsut giving an example. : ) and I'm just saying its a bit rushed. You might want to go through a normal day for him first, jsut to get a feel of who he is.

Oh, ok. imma have that be second chapter, or third? o_O

Maybe 3rd. Btw, this is what I eman by format:

Now on to the story, hehe:

Chapter one, A Not So Pleasant Surprise

It was almost dark, and Scott hasn't gotten anything, it was the cold day that kept the animals in there holes.
"Come on." Scott muttered to himself, "I Need some food, guys split up, and meet back at camp." He told his wolves. They all went away in pairs of two, and Scott drew his bow.
He heard something off to his right, he aimed, shot,and he heard a yelp. Scott went closer, only to find a girl scared to death with an arrow in the tree next to her.
"Who are you?" she asked him. He wasn't ready to let his guard down, "Uh, scott." THe boy told her cautiously.
"Im amy." the girl said cheerfully. scott heard something in her pocket, he took aim with another arrow, she flinched. "Its just my phone." She said taking it out.
"Phone?" Scott asked puzzled, she laughed, "Yes a phone." Amy answered it, "Hello? Yes Mom, Im coming inside." She hung up. "Want to have dinner at my house?" The girl asked him.
"House?" He thought it could be something close to a camp site. "Uh sure, hang on." He whistled, and out came his four wolves. Amy yelped, "WOLVES!" she started to back away. "They are harmless, see? Er, amy?" He knelt down, and pet each of them.
"Well, come on, we are having steak." She smiled at him, and walked towards a huge stone shaped liked a dead deer after it was hit by a falling rock.
"What is that?" scott asked her. "Its a house."
Amy walked inside, and scott followed.

i know what you mean, but its just hard for me to do that.

I like it so far. but i think it's moving too fast. Ad more detail