Half Blood Mania
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 The Wishing Box: One Bad Wish

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The Wishing Box: One Bad Wish Empty
PostSubject: The Wishing Box: One Bad Wish   The Wishing Box: One Bad Wish Icon_minitime6/17/2010, 5:59 am

A young man was walking down a street, he saw a box made of wood. He tried to open it but it has no opening. There was a note on it, wish upon this box and it will com true. "I wish for a world where super powers exist." The box he had glowed and disappeared. Carlos Turkestan went home to get some work done. He sat on his couch and turned on the news. He saw the bright light that came from the box was in the background.

"What the ............ fireball!" The news anchor said before dodging it. There stood a cloak figure where the light was. A staff was in the hand of this man as he used it to rebuild most of the set. He set it up where it was facing him as he stood in front of building on fire.

"I'm Nightstaff and I am now going to rule all. Me and my friends are now taking over. All who resist will be killed." The cloaked magician rose in the air and vanished like a wisp of smoke. Carlos heard a knocking at the door. He opened it to find two people, a man and a girl.

"Who are you?" Carlos asked as he helped the girl get the man on the couch. He wore a black costume and had red sliver moons and full moons on his costume. He had deep wounds and good amount of cut and bruises.

"His name is Redmoon, a heavy super hero. I am Crystal Kent, a girl who got stuck with him." The girl spoke. She was at least 15 or 16, years old, around Carlos's age.

"Where are you parents, son?" Said the injured man. "I don't know, they where here when I left but them seem to have gone." Carlos's tone was a little depressing. He got the first aid kit and fixed the wounds on the man as the best he could. "What happen to you?"

"Nightstaff, I fought him until he used his staff to weaken me. This young girl helped me after Nightstaff walked away. This part of the world is now under the control of the villains." He sat up and took some of the food Carlos brought. They sat there until Carlos heard another knock on the door. He went to the door to see an man in a tux. He opened the door to let him in. they entered the room to see Redmoon and Crystal in non battle stained normal clothing. He was surprised to see Redmoon up on the couch. The man in the tux sat down and took out his badge. It read Agent Revanchist, GTF.

"So Agent, what brings you here." Said Red moon. Carlos didn't notice the brown hair, green eyes and tan skin of Redmoon.

"I am here to find out what happened, this whole super heroes thing." Carlos heard a British accent on the man.

"I was thinking the same thing." Said both Redmoon and Crystal. Carlos didn't speak because he might have done it.

"What does England have here in America?" Carlos said in an attempt to change the subject.

"We are here because of this mess. It seems the rest of the world is changing. I just here to find out why." The news was still on and it shakened the hearts in the room.

"Special news. USA, Canada, mexico and other countries of the Americas has fallen. Our new leader, Nightstaff have something to say. This is at the ruins of the white house." The scene moved over to a destroyed building and Nightstaff stood in front of it. "My empire is now in full swing. This will be my great castle. Now we fight our heroes, the confused. That all for now." A man walked up and said for the Resistance and pulled out a gun. Nightstaff took his staff and with a signal swing of power, the man was dead. Carlos turned off the news and put on some cooking channel.

"Thank you, since you didn't know who it is. I will leave for now." Agent Revanchist walks to the door and left. Carlos felted bad, he didn't tell the agent about his wish and the box. Redmoon saw that Carlos was getting a bit confused.

"What wrong?" Red moon toke some more food.

"I might have started this whole thing. I found this box and it said make a wish. So I did." Carlos went over and got some coke. "I'm sorry if I did." They sat there with mixed emotions and Crystal went over.

"It's not your fault, it was an mistake on the creator of the box's part." Said crystal in a calming way. Carlos dark tan skin was easing up and his brown eyes meet Crystals deep blue. He saw the brown hair and lightly tanned skin that help her eyes. His hair was black and somewhat messy from the events of today. "Thanks, crystal." They heard the scurry of feet and a crash of a window. The person was the same age as Carlos and Crystal.

"Sorry about the window but some people with costumes are looking for me. I'm from the resistance. I'm called Paladin." He hair was dark blond, skin lightly tan and hassle eyes. His features was ragged and been though war. He had a rifle on his back, a knife on his belt and some other weapons on him.

Crystal looked at him and a spark of familiarity was in her eyes. "Your the child who robbed 4 banks here. Though the outlaws were on the Empires side." This was a response that was normal to paladin. "Yes, but some of us like to be free." They heard sounds of metal footsteps, and some one calling a march routine. "Quiet, they are now the local law. We need to leave after the patrol." Carlos stood there until the sounds were gone. He knew of a place that was abandoned as an unsafe zone. The Underground maze of tunnels. It had a security system and defenses.

"Ok, we need to go to the facility out side this city. It's underground and out of the way." They agreed and they got all the supplies they need. They set off and saw the sign, Now leaving Reno some what later in the day. The old base they saw was in a mountain. When they entered it, it was a long and deep maze. The control room was found and the system was up and running. Paladin set up mines around the entrance and the hall connected to it. They sat down and explained to paladin the whole problem.

"So, Carlos here found a box that didn't open and wished. Guess we need to find the box."
Paladin had finished with.

"That is Carlos's destiny." Said a voice coming from nowhere. They look around to see a cloaked figure floating by them.

"Who are you and how did you get past the mines?" Asked paladin with his rifle in hand.

"I'm the Techno Magus, Merlin. I see the path you must take to undo the wish. Find the two who fight as one. Seek the monster who eats men. Defeat a god who rules all and the box will be found in the place where it all began." Merlin vanished into the air.

They slept but Carlos was trying to figure out the words. The two who fight as one? The monster who eats men? A God who rules all? These where the thoughts that plagued him. As he finally slept, he saw the box. It wooden frame, it had strange carving. Looking like a something from the medieval times. He saw words inscribed on the box, Arca archa superum. This was new to him. "The box of the gods." The voice came from the cloaked figure he knew as merlin. He shown his graying hair, the pale eyes and dark skin. This man him look like an old african man that foretold great events.

"Arca archa superum, The box of the gods. The very box you held and made a wish. Here's your clues to find the box. In cravens of gems, you will find the two who fight as one. The goal to to earn the trust. They have a test you must pass. One of great skills to pass. Then travel to a church where the monster who eat men, it weakness it in the book which resides deep within. You must end it's life to save a friend. Next go to a castle, where great evil awaits. With the thing you have gathered, victory is assured but the foe you must face will be great. After all this, you must travel where it all began and say the right words. If you fail, this world will be doomed to a fate where evil is the power." He vanished and Carlos saw Nightstaff. His black cloak, his even darker staff, the suit he wore looked like Redmoon's but without the decor. "Deus quisnam sceptrum totus". He turned to see red moon. "Vir quisnam cado per Monasteriense". He turned again to see Crystal Kent. "Vir quisnam cado pro vota." He turned to see Nightstaff turn to a humanoid with godlike power. His face shown as human like but with black hair and skin but deep red eyes. His staff now a greater pole made of pure darkness, and his body made of golden bone and flesh. His dream started to blur.
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The Wishing Box: One Bad Wish Empty
PostSubject: Re: The Wishing Box: One Bad Wish   The Wishing Box: One Bad Wish Icon_minitime6/17/2010, 4:04 pm

You switch tenses (past, present, future) a lot. The story moves too fast. The story doesn't flow.

And the plot is just plain-out confusing.
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PostSubject: Re: The Wishing Box: One Bad Wish   The Wishing Box: One Bad Wish Icon_minitime6/17/2010, 4:13 pm

I made it on a mood. (Dang sorry got carried away. ADHD and all.)
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PostSubject: Re: The Wishing Box: One Bad Wish   The Wishing Box: One Bad Wish Icon_minitime

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